9 Parenting Tips From Michelle Obama And Her Mom

Michelle Obama with her mother, Marian Robinson, and brother, Craig Robinson.
Michelle Obama with her mother, Marian Robinson, and brother, Craig Robinson.

It’s comforting to know that even a young Michelle Obama had temper tantrums.

That was just one thing we learned about the former U.S. First Lady’s childhood in the most recent episode of her podcast. She was joined by her mother, Marian Robinson, and brother Craig Robinson on Wednesday’s finale of “The Michelle Obama Podcast,” where the discussion centred around raising children and all of the fear, chaos and joy that inspires.

Here are some of the parenting insights we learned from the Obama moms:

Invite your kids to question everything

“I used to tell you to question me, and you all sure did run that into the ground,” Marian quipped.

A significant way to teach kids to think critically is to indulge their curiosity, she explained. Even though it might get annoying, and even if you can’t always answer every question, it’s good to make sure kids keep asking questions.

Teach kids self-reliance early

This one was big in the Robinson household, apparently. When her kids’ alarm clocks rang in the morning, Marian used to tell them “You can lay in the bed if you want, I already have my education.”

The result, for Obama, was learning to take responsibility for herself.

“I always felt like, I’m getting up for me,” she said. “I’ve gotta get ready to go to school, not because my mom is making me do it, but because she’s told me that I’m responsible for my education.”

Her parents made sure she understood that she was responsible for her own behaviour, she said.

A young Michelle with her parents Marian and Fraser.
A young Michelle with her parents Marian and Fraser.

“That was also the beauty of you and Dad, is that you made our successes and our failures our own,” Obama said. “You were always there for us, but you believed that ‘You get good grades for you, not for me.’ You never celebrated our victories too much, or you never wallowed in our failures too deeply. ”

It’s definitely hard for a parent to let go, Obama acknowledged, but it’s something she also put into practice with her daughters Malia, now 22, and Sasha, 19.

“If you are looking for a child to be self-reliant when they’re 21, 22, you have to make them practice that as early as 5 or 6 or 7 years old,” she said.

“If you don’t teach a kid how to wake up on their own when they’re young and it’s easy, yeah, you could be waking them up for the rest of their lives because you don’t make them practice it.”

Think of your kids as smart people, even when they’re babies

“A two-day-old baby is a smart person. Fraser taught me that,” Marian said, referring to her late husband and Michelle and Craig’s dad, Fraser C. Robinson III.

“He just decided he was having the smartest kids on earth. That’s the way I thought about you — I thought about you as people who can learn things.”

Even babies have personalities — her two kids did, Obama said. “They were infants when you could see, if you were paying attention, and spending time, and really, listening like your baby has something to tell you.”

If you have several kids, remember that they’ll all have different needs

Robinson and both her grown-up kids agreed that what worked for your first child might not work for your second — even when they’re still babies.

“Craig always looked like he was worrying about something… ever since he was little, his pictures… you could see a worried little child,” Marian said to Michelle. “But then when you came along, I decided I made him too nice.”

This is where the temper tantrums come in — “You came that way,” Marian told her daughter. “You just were determined, you were gonna do it your way. Craig was acquiescent.”

Craig remembered that their mom would tell him that one approach she had for Michelle was giving her two options rather than telling her what to do — hiding the fact that in both options were things her mom wanted her to do.

“That’s some jiu-jitsu parenting!” Obama said, laughing.

Set the same expectations for all your kids, regardless of their gender

Obama said one of the things she appreciated most about her late father was he treated his two kids the same way, even though one was a boy and one was a girl.

Michelle and Craig as kids.
Michelle and Craig as kids.

“As a young girl I got a feeling of empowerment because my dad respected my voice,” she told Craig. “He treated me as your equal, as his equal. If he taught you to do something, I learned how to do it… he was my first role model of what it meant to have a supportive loving man in my life.”

Spend time with your friends who are also parents

Both generations said they learned a lot about parenting and gained a ton of support from their friends who were also parents. It was especially important when her husband was running for office, Obama said, but she thinks it would be helpful for all moms and dads.

“All you’re doing when they were little is, you’re hoping you’re not messing them up,” she said. “You’re learning from what everybody else is doing.”

Don’t air resentments about the other parent in front of your kids

This was another one that Obama said became important in her life when her husband was the president and would often have to work or travel late. But all kinds of parents with all kind of jobs face challenges when it comes to co-parenting, whether they’re together or not. The healthiest approach is generally keeping the kids out of issues parents have with each other, for everyone’s sake.

Michelle Obama with her daughters Malia (left) and Sasha (right), and her mother Marian Robinson.
Michelle Obama with her daughters Malia (left) and Sasha (right), and her mother Marian Robinson.

“I tried to make sure that I wasn’t pouting in front of the kids when Barack wasn’t there,” Obama said. “If I had made a big deal of it, and said, ‘Oh my god, your dad’s not here again,’ ‘Oh, he’s missing this,’ that’s the signal to them: ‘This isn’t normal.’”

But her husband did try his hardest not to let his work interfere with important family time, she said, which made it easier for her to brush it off when it really was unavoidable.

Do your best not to let racism “cancel out” the important messages you teach your kids

When Craig was 11, police officers accused him of stealing a bike that was a gift from his parents — the kind of racial profiling that so many Black people have to put up with. He explained to the cops that the bike was his and invited them to go to his house and ask his parents.

When they did, Marian insisted that the cops apologize to Craig, explaining to them that “what you did was cancel out a whole lot of things that we had been teaching [our kids]. I think you need to come back here to talk to them and at least admit you made a serious mistake.”

Obama and her brother have both had to have the difficult conversation with their kids about how, as Black people, they’re treated differently. That conversation is a really painful one, Marian said.

A protester wears a Barack Obama hoodie during a Black Lives Matter demonstration in the U.K.
A protester wears a Barack Obama hoodie during a Black Lives Matter demonstration in the U.K.

It’s “such a way of life when it comes to interacting with the rest of the world,” she said. “Nobody thinks about the fact that we all come from good families that are trying to teach values. But when you leave the safety of your home and go out into the street, where being Black is a crime in and of itself, we have all had to learn how to operate outside of our homes with a level of caution and fear.”

But Obama said she’s energized by the Black Lives Matter protests, and finds hope in the fact that young Black people who have to learn to live with prejudice are likely to build up more empathy for other groups.

“If you have a good foundation, you are so strong, that you can overcome that. You know, because you are so resilient, because you have had to learn so much empathy and so much self control.”

Accept that you don’t have all the answers

Parenting, to put it mildly, comes with a lot of pressure. “With each generation they’re making parenting harder, they’re making the bar crazier, like, for what a parent is supposed to do,” Obama said. “Here we come with all the rules and all the guidebooks, and we still feel unprepared.”

But everything about parenting is always going to be a work in progress, Marion told her.

“Parents think they have to know all the answers,” Marion said. “And nobody knows all the answers. I was very comfortable saying, ‘I don’t know.’”

Why Parents Shouldn’t Skip Bedtime Stories with Their Kids

It helps literacy and emotional growth, but that’s not all, a new survey reveals.

We know kids thrive on routines and rituals: The predictability helps them feel secure, develop good habits and learn to better regulate their own emotions.

Sometimes it can feel like a drag for parents to live life on a schedule, but a recent survey revealed there’s one routine most parents love as much as their kids do: bedtime stories.

In fact, story time even ranked higher in popularity among parents than bath time and cuddle time ― although as any book-loving mom or dad will tell you, reading and cuddling tend to be a package deal, when it comes to the bedtime routine.

Watch this video below to learn more about parents’ thoughts, habits and preferences around story time.

Eighty-six per cent of parents love telling stories to their kids before bedtime, according to this survey of 2,000 parents conducted by OnePoll, on behalf of customized children’s book publisher Wonderbly. In fact, three in four wish they could never stop telling stories to their kids, as they grow older, and describe bedtime stories as the most quality time they get with their children in the typical day. Since it’s such a peaceful and cozy ritual, with opportunities for one-on-one conversations, it’s excellent for bonding.

So when does it all begin? Twenty per cent of parents start reading to their children before they are even born. And 15 per cent start from the time their child enters the world.

We'll never get enough of the snuggles that come with bedtime reading.
We’ll never get enough of the snuggles that come with bedtime reading.

It’s never too early: As reported in a 2018 HuffPost Canada story, reading to babies during their early infancy, boosts language, vocabulary and literacy skills. These benefits are still evident up to four years later.

Most parents continue the bedtime-story routine until their child is around eight years old, and they spend on average 15 minutes reading bedtime stories together. While 21 per cent of parents like to get creative and use their imagination in making up stories, 41 per cent prefer to read from books.

Five Ways to Show Gratitude this Giving Tuesday

Write a Letter

How to Teach Kids to Write Thank You Notes

Take the time this Tuesday to sit down with a pen and paper and write a thank you note (or ten!) to someone you appreciate.

This is a great activity for kids that not only allows them to practice writing and spelling, but also encourages thoughtfulness and empathy for others. Have fun brainstorming all of the people in you and your child’s life that you are thankful for. This can be family members, friends, teachers, and other members of society.

 

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Image result for kidsgratitude journal

One way we can practice gratitude every day is by keeping a journal. Writing something we are thankful for each day allows us to have a moment of reflection and positivity in our day, giving us greater perspective and appreciation.

Here is a free printout to use with your child to keep the habit going.

 

Volunteer

Volunteering is a great activity to do with the whole family. Have your child do some research and brainstorming about a cause they care about. Caring for animals, the environment, or helping those who are in need of food and safety are just some ideas.

Here is a list of local organizations that are looking for volunteers of all ages.

 

Make a Donation

Want to make one for The Dave Krache Foundation, to be put at concession stands in your area? Email us! help@davekrache.com www.davekrache.com

Put that allowance or birthday money to good use! Or, have your child clean out their room and choose 2-3 items they would like to donate (toys, clothes, etc). You can even encourage your child to make a donation box for their school, or create handmade items to sell for donations.

 

Read a Book

There are so many great books that teach lessons in gratitude, and this can be a great starting point for discussing what it means to give.

Check out this list from scholastic here.

 

How To Prepare For Your Tutoring Session

By Shelly Koren

When taking your children to a tutor there are a few things that should be kept in mind so they can get the most out of session which will be beneficial for the student and their continued success in school.

Adam Hanary, a Math and Science tutor said that “you would be surprised how much is involved with tutoring. First the student has to remember the time and location – there have been a lot of instances where I have had to wait about an hour for the student to arrive.
There’s also the matter of coming prepared. If the student hasn’t gone over the course material at all it becomes even harder for them to grasp the tutoring session to the best of their capabilities.”

The Academic Centre for Excellence (ACE) give some great tips for the student whether they need assistance in a math/science subject or essay writing.
For a math or science class:
• Participate in the session by trying to work alongside the tutor; watching them solve the problem will not make the solution more understandable
• If it is easier for the student to verbalize every step make sure the tutor knows this, everyone has their own unique way of learning
• Try to relate what the tutor says to the text book in order to create a bridge between the teacher and the tutor
• An especially important tip is to tell the tutor where the student struggles most so the tutor can provide ways to make it easier for the student.
If the student is struggling with essay content:
• Make sure the student brings the assignment sheet or homework. This will ensure that there are no miscommunications on what the assignment was about, and the tutor will be equipped to help
• In addition to rough copies make sure to bring ideas, notes, and an outline so the tutor is able to understand the ideas on the subject, but also how the student came to these ideas
• If the student is struggling with essay writing make sure that the tutor discovers why that is. Maybe they have a problem with organizing ideas or how to create a proper thesis. Focussing on the bigger picture will allow further development with the particular assignment and with other upcoming essays.

Both the ACE and Adam Hanary mention the importance of consulting the tutor far enough in advance so there is enough time to study for any exam or practice writing for a paper so the tutor can assist to the best of their abilities without cramming. Adam Hanary also states that it is always useful when the student comes prepared with questions about class content, and that this is reviewed in the beginning of the session so that there is sufficient time to address these questions.

“The most important advice I can give to a student going to a tutor is to speak up, let your tutor know if you are still struggling, that is what we are here for”